Read this while listening to: https://soundcloud.com/shebrings/raga-ahir-bhairav
For anyone that has lost a parent or a loved one, this post is for you.
Seven years ago today, I received a phonecall in the early hours of the morning, from my kid sister “Dad’s not breathing”
Never have I shot out of bed so quick, in disbelief, shock and anguish.
At the time, I was in the Midlands, at university, writing my dissertation. It was during the journey back that I felt the most helpless, blasting down the M40, scrambling with phonecalls and incoherent messages, unable to influence any of the events that followed.
After a flitting of back and forth calls and text messages, I received the phonecall, the phonecall that confirmed Papa’s demise. There was so much white noise at the time, not sure if this was the call, my head or the hectic traffic that Tuesday morning. I struggled to comprehend the message, it was filled with cries, shrieks and mumbles. A friend of mine, that followed the ambulance in, took the phone and his words I will never forget… “I am so sorry bruv”
There was no coming back from that, like the disappearance of a gravity unknown. The undeniable sunk in and my world fell apart. I cried so hard. Time, as a concept, as a construct held no value from here onwards, this was the start of the longest journey of my life.
My beloved, now fiance, was driving, I remember catching a look on her face, trying to console me, whilst combatting the thick traffic, on a route untravelled, on a distance never before endured. What a warrior, my rock.
In a mad dash of desperation, my mind flicked back, to when my DaddiMa (paternal grandmother) suffered a heart attack years ago, in the ambulance outside her house. The paramedics revived her TWENTY minutes later. She survived and on this particular day, the history books witnessed a pain worse than all, the death of her child, she outlived her youngest son.
I held onto this idea of twenty minutes.. Come on, as a kid you were told, if you really want something it can happen… if you pray to god with a genuine heart, he will listen. I convinced myself, that within twenty minutes, I’d get another phonecall, one that overruled the last. I wiped my tears, sat up and with every ounce, drawing on every cell in my body I hoped and prayed and wished that this was some sick dream and I’d wake up in a fit of sweats.
My desperation came to no avail…. That phonecall never came. Continue reading “Seven”